Now I've seen it all

I awoke early in the morning to the worst smell that I’d ever experienced. Believe me, having lived in Iraq for the last eight months, that’s saying quite a lot. Apparently a sewage pipe (carrying the waste of the whole camp) had ruptured in our front yard during the night. I walked outside (trying to locate the cause of my watering eyes and bloody nose) to find a literal stream of crap, which we accurately named the “Poop Moat.” It had a sort of radioactive-waste-green color to it that might have made it seem beautiful if it didn’t smell so damn bad. It took nearly two days for the contractors to clean up the mess. But just because I no longer see standing water (or whatever it was) doesn’t mean I’ll just go walking through the area. Nope, now we all follow a pretty strict “stepping stone policy.” If you miss one of the stones and step into the still damp dirt then you might as well take off your shoe and toss it in the fire. It also goes without saying that those who choose to eat our front are a little more careful with their food. The “5 second rule” no longer applies.

I’m not sure there’s really a silver lining in this one aside from having a pretty disgusting story to tell. I guess you could consider the moat as an upgrade in force protection, as it would now take an insurgent with pole vaulting skills to attack our home. Also, for anyone who had a desire to get a nice garden started, now would be a good time. I think I might know where they could find some nice fertile ground.