Rental car strikes back

I am regularly reminded just how backwards the Army can be. If there is a job to be done, you can always count on military leaders to find the least efficient, most difficult way to do it. Sometimes the bureaucratic bungling is amusing, like when they make privates spend a whole day sorting ammo only to accidentally mix it back together, forcing them spend the following day sorting it again. Other times it can be a little disturbing like when they tell us we must be prepared for the Army to lose at least one bag of our equipment each en route to Kuwait. Today illustrated another perfect example.

In order to train at JRTC you have to acquire military vehicles from a government contractor. Going to get the car is much like renting a car from Enterprise. You pick out the make and model you want, take note of any existing problems the car has, and drive it off of the lot. Unfortunately, turning the cars back in after training is complete is an entirely different story. Imagine returning a car at the end of a family vacation. The person at the counter asks you if you had any problems with the vehicle and you politely answer, “Yes, in fact the car leaks oil like a sieve.” But instead of apologizing for the condition of the car and writing the deficiency down for later correction, the sales person reaches across the counter and hands you a 30 lb tool box. “Let me know when you’ve finished replacing the transmission,” he says with a devilish grin.

That, in a nutshell, is how I have spent the last three days; working to repair Humvees that were broken long before I was unfortunate enough to borrow them. It must be nice to own a business that runs largely on the free labor of soldiers about to go to war. The handful of mechanics employed by the company didn’t actually fix anything, but they sure had a hell of a fun time pointing out what we had to fix. They almost forced me to replace a fuel tank (which at the time was ¾ full of diesel) just because they didn’t like the attitude of the sergeant in charge. Thankfully the head mechanic had a little sense (very little) and called it off. It sure would have been interesting to watch a man like myself, without a shred of automotive knowledge, change out a big ass fuel tank. There probably would have been an explosion, and I’m tired of being responsible for broken or burning equipment.